I’m puttering around today on the internet and found a way on another web site (myspace) to see a list of all the blogs I’ve posted over the last few years. Supposedly, this site is supposed to have the occasional weird bar story in it, and since it’s been somewhat quiet since I started this blog, I thought I’d post one of the old ones I found while rooting around.
Wow, two posts in one day even.
“Can we get two buds and two shots of jager?”
“Sorry guys, we’re closing in 5 minutes. I can get you the shots, but no beers.”
“What? That’s fucked up. Come on, we’ll drink them fast.”
“Sorry, can’t boss. I can get you the shots though.”
“That’s fucked up. We want two beers. Just give us the two beers already.”
“Can’t. My house, my rules.” Bill puts down the two shots and walks away.
The fat lady turns to her fat boyfriend. “What the fuck? What a god damn asshole!”
It *looked* like a good idea at the time. I say, “Hey yall, he’s not trying to be an ass. It’s almost 2. He can’t.”
“I don’t give a shit what time it is! Why are you defending him?”
The fat lady is doing all the talking, btw.
Cameron, sitting beside me, says, “No, guys, he really isn’t messing with you. He just can’t get you a beer.”
“What the fuck-ever. I see you got a beer.”
Cameron shrugs and turns back to the bar. “I’m also sleeping upstairs tonight. You aren’t.”
I say, “Look, just do your shot, you don’t need a chaser anyway. Do your shots like a man and don’t worry about it.”
She says, “No, whatever. You bunch of faggots need to piss off. What are you, his boyfriend or something?”
I say, “Well, I may or may not suck a cock every now and then, but at least I’m not a cunt.”
I swear to God, I’ve never seen a fat woman’s arm move that fast in my life. Spun my head around almost backward.
My glasses pinwheel across the room as the whole bar leaps to its feet. Ten seconds later, fatties are out on the street.
–end old blog post–
I swear that cracks me up every time I read it. (When you picture the whole bar jumping to its feet, picture a bunch of large “mean” looking guys covered in tattoos and facial hair.)
Somewhere around here are some sketches of the Blarneystone (which is where half the sketches on this blog are drawn)….I’ll have to throw a couple up sooner or later.